Be the Gatekeeper of Your Life

Updated: Apr 5, 2019

Each one of us is imperfectly perfect, yet we walk around every day masking our imperfections. We believe becoming vulnerable may expose our weaknesses. The people who do choose to expose their imperfections may find themselves the gossip of the town, which is particularly difficult because most of us want to fit in with those around us, avoiding rejection at all costs. (If you do feel this way, remember the common phrase, “It’s okay. We’re human!”)

In the era of social media, the proof is in the pudding. These days, many are deleting their Facebook and Instagram accounts because social media is causing people to feel badly about themselves. For example, imagine opening your Facebook account and seeing your best friend out on the town with 5 other couples celebrating their anniversary and you and your spouse were not invited.  How would that make you feel? Would you obsess about it to yourself and everyone else around you or would you blow it off? I’d guess you would do option 1. If a circumstance is causing you to feel anything less than love and happiness, then you must first realize that it is not the exterior world with the issue––it is your interior world.  

We all have many parts of us that comprise our whole being, and these parts can be similar or different for each person. For example, you may have a disciplined part, an angry part, a parenting part, a structured part, a wellness part, etc. First, you must determine which part of you is triggered by an external force. Once you isolate that part, you can determine the tools needed to nurture it and bring it to a place of love. For example, if you are on a healthy eating plan and following a workout routine but you have not fluctuated, you may feel upset and jealous seeing a picture of a bikinied Gwyneth Paltrow with six pack abs, eating an In-N-Out Burger on a California beach. 

If it is daytime, take a moment to look up at the sky (or imagine a beautiful, sunny day, even if you cannot see it). You are a soul filled with peace, light, and love just like the sky. When emotions arise, they are the clouds passing through the sky. The clouds come and go yet we trust and believe that the sky is always there whether we see it or not. We should strive to become the sky, observing the clouds as they come and go. As the sky, we can see ourselves for the light and love we truly are. We can learn to love all of our parts without adding meaning to what is going on outside of ourselves. The clouds are merely external distractions taking us away from the inner reflection of our blue sky.

The “Why” game is a great way to approach a brewing emotional reaction instigated by external circumstances. The game asks “Why,” and then you answer until you get to the root of the reaction. For example, the weight issue discussed above can go something like this: 

Q: Why are you jealous and upset after seeing a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow?

A:  Because Gwyneth Paltrow is able to eat whatever she wants and is so skinny, and I am not.

Q: Why does that bother you? 

A: Because I have tried so hard to lose weight and watch what I eat, yet nothing changes.

Q: Why do you need to be skinny? 

A: Because I just do and I hate the way I look.

Q: Who is the judger? Is it you or people outside of you? 

A:   I guess it is mainly my entire life people made fun of me and called me names. So that created my own obsession to be skinny. Therefore, the judgers are people outside of me causing myself to judge and feel worthless and ugly.

And there you go! Worthiness. That is the root of all of this sadness. It is not because of your opinion of yourself after all. The root of this affected piece of you stems from a lifelong belief because of external circumstances that created the story in your mind that you are not worthy and are ugly.

Life is filled with circumstances that trigger you emotionally, physically, and/or mentally. These circumstances become lessons that give you the opportunity to look inward to marinate on and pick apart the affected pieces. The parts can then reassemble when they are acknowledged and nurtured. Instead of created stories based on what happens “to” us, we need to look inward more often and acknowledge that we are perfect just the way we are.

Appearing perfect is the easy part. True courage comes when you unmask your imperfections. Most people think that exposing their vulnerabilities will make them look weak and powerless, but actually the opposite is true. To unmask your imperfections is to be part of the minority that truly disregard their fears and instead choose to stand in their power. Those individuals will not let energy vampires, or those who incite mask-wearing, into their lives. When you become the sky, everything outside of you and below you does not affect you in any way.

Unmasking your imperfections shows courage, bravery, power, and self-love.  This strength and willpower will bring all that you want into your life. Being the unadulterated version of yourself also makes you relatable and a role model for others. Let’s all peel off our masks to fill the world with more positivity, light, love, and authentically meaningful connections.

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